As difficult as it was, the Fair Rebecca and I rejected the educational institution that shaped us when it came to our children. We both graduated from public schools and our children currently attend a classical, Christian school. My educational experience went like this: private, public, homeschool, private, public. Although the majority was in the public school system. I graduated from Coeur d'Alene High School. Go Vikings! The Fair Rebecca attended public schools in the Moscow district all the way through from K-12 (and she will be furious if I don't include a Go Bears! here).
*Before we go any further, I have to air my grievances. Moscow High School's slogan is "Pride of the North." And I'd just like to point out that Coeur d'Alene High School is bigger, just as old (well, MHS was founded in 1892 and CHS in 1903 - so let's just call the difference statistically insignificant), has won a lot more sports championships and is further north than Moscow High. So, if pride in the north lies anywhere, it's there.
The point is, we went to public school and generally, had a pretty good experience. Both of us were (I think) educated comprehensively. And honestly, we have a lot of fond memories. In addition, there is something so wonderful about that sort of universal, humanizing connection that is fostered by all the kids in one area going to school together for a decade and a half. I remember when I was going to community college at North Idaho College that I walked into Molstead Library one afternoon and noticed a really cute girl I had gone to high school with working behind the library counter. I don't think I had ever spoken to this girl as she was way out of my league and was quite popular. I - having been basically invisible during all of high school (or so I assumed) - was shocked when I went to the counter to check out and she said something to the order of "Hey, we went to high school together, right?" and introduced herself. I was floored. I couldn't have imagined this "popular" girl (whatever that actually means) had ever noticed me. It's not like we'd ever interacted. But, we had something in common: we had been at the same building having the same experiences for a lengthy period of time. And that creates - if not a bond - at least some familiarity and a common story that we could both relate to. Despite not knowing me at all, there's something comforting about a familiar face.
Participating in institutions together is unifying. It actually helps us overcome polarization because before someone is a Democrat or Republican, they were just another snot-nosed kid in 5th grade. Before the divisions of life come into play, we're all just people. Sure there's rich kids and poor kids, beautiful kids and less beautiful ones, high-status kids and low-status kids. But if we all used to go to school together (or did something together) then it's easier for us to remember that the other person is something more than their political ideas or whatever other thing that turns us off as adults.
*Before we go any further, I have to air my grievances. Moscow High School's slogan is "Pride of the North." And I'd just like to point out that Coeur d'Alene High School is bigger, just as old (well, MHS was founded in 1892 and CHS in 1903 - so let's just call the difference statistically insignificant), has won a lot more sports championships and is further north than Moscow High. So, if pride in the north lies anywhere, it's there.
The point is, we went to public school and generally, had a pretty good experience. Both of us were (I think) educated comprehensively. And honestly, we have a lot of fond memories. In addition, there is something so wonderful about that sort of universal, humanizing connection that is fostered by all the kids in one area going to school together for a decade and a half. I remember when I was going to community college at North Idaho College that I walked into Molstead Library one afternoon and noticed a really cute girl I had gone to high school with working behind the library counter. I don't think I had ever spoken to this girl as she was way out of my league and was quite popular. I - having been basically invisible during all of high school (or so I assumed) - was shocked when I went to the counter to check out and she said something to the order of "Hey, we went to high school together, right?" and introduced herself. I was floored. I couldn't have imagined this "popular" girl (whatever that actually means) had ever noticed me. It's not like we'd ever interacted. But, we had something in common: we had been at the same building having the same experiences for a lengthy period of time. And that creates - if not a bond - at least some familiarity and a common story that we could both relate to. Despite not knowing me at all, there's something comforting about a familiar face.
Examining this from another point of view: I have no idea what that girl's political affiliation is. Nor most of the people I went to high school with. I don't know their religion or current socioeconomic status. But growing up at the same time in the same place and in the same schools sort lays a foundation of community.
I've experienced this several times since with people that I honestly don't know that well. But there is a bond, if you will, of "we went to school together." A knowledge that on some level we have been through and seen certain things and are at a similar stage of life. There's something to be said for this. And its obviously not exclusive to school. That's just the one, basic institution that most Americans participate in at a young age. Of course these bonds can come via other institutions as well: sports, jobs, 4H, church, hobbies and other affinities that drive group participation. This idea is perfectly encapsulated by the relationship between the hero - US Marshal Raylan Givens - and the villain - Boyd Crowder - in the classic modern western tv series, Justified. Raylan and Boyd don't exactly like each other and have an adversarial relationship, what with being on opposites sides of the law and all. But their relationship remains oddly friendly, and neither can ever quite manage to pull the trigger to kill the other. Whenever asked about their rather unique relationship (or confronting their own inability to truly do the other one in) they reply "We dug coal together." In their youth, before setting out on their respective paths, they worked together in the brutal conditions of the Kentucky coal mines. And they always had that, despite their divergent paths. There was a respect and an understanding that on some level, they are of the same stock and rooted in the same community.
Spoiler alert, clip from later season.
Participating in institutions together is unifying. It actually helps us overcome polarization because before someone is a Democrat or Republican, they were just another snot-nosed kid in 5th grade. Before the divisions of life come into play, we're all just people. Sure there's rich kids and poor kids, beautiful kids and less beautiful ones, high-status kids and low-status kids. But if we all used to go to school together (or did something together) then it's easier for us to remember that the other person is something more than their political ideas or whatever other thing that turns us off as adults.
So what does that have to do with us sending our kids to a classical, Christian school? Well, it doesn't have much to do with why we sent them but it is somewhat of a lament about the cost of it. When I started this post I intended to write about the why, but I was otherwise inspired so that will have to be left to another day and another post.
While there are hundreds of other kids in the school and our children will develop the same bond as I recounted above with them, it is an isolated, self-selected group. Part of the marvel of community-based institutions is knowing people and developing a common, shared history with them that is not self-selected into a Christian group. The obvious tension here (which I'll get into another time) is that an obvious factor in choosing to send your kids to a non-public school is the quality, content and worldview of the education itself. But the reality is that my children will not have the same connective tissue with our community that the Fair Rebecca and I had. Or, at least, fostering it will require much more effort and willful participation in non-school institutions like sports and civics and clubs.
And for the Christian, I'm not sure this is a good thing. Especially in our polarized political times, it is more crucial than ever to see others as people first before seeing them as merely political actors or, worse, enemies. If we can't remember the humanity of others, we are much more likely to see others as enemies. And viewing all who hold opposing political or social ideas to us as enemies, is not a friend to evangelism. How can we minister to our community and share the good news of the Gospel when we detest their very being and hold no common bonds? This why I am also so perturbed by the rampant symbolizing of political and religious beliefs. Rainbow flag on the house? Great, I can just write you off and assume we'll never be friends or find any common ground. Christian flag? Likewise. Mask on your face? Mask not on your face? Great, now I can make a much more informed assumption about you as a person before we ever speak a word. So much for first impressions by actually interacting with others. Let's just all broadcast our priors before ever speaking.
And for the Christian, I'm not sure this is a good thing. Especially in our polarized political times, it is more crucial than ever to see others as people first before seeing them as merely political actors or, worse, enemies. If we can't remember the humanity of others, we are much more likely to see others as enemies. And viewing all who hold opposing political or social ideas to us as enemies, is not a friend to evangelism. How can we minister to our community and share the good news of the Gospel when we detest their very being and hold no common bonds? This why I am also so perturbed by the rampant symbolizing of political and religious beliefs. Rainbow flag on the house? Great, I can just write you off and assume we'll never be friends or find any common ground. Christian flag? Likewise. Mask on your face? Mask not on your face? Great, now I can make a much more informed assumption about you as a person before we ever speak a word. So much for first impressions by actually interacting with others. Let's just all broadcast our priors before ever speaking.
In the meantime, I think we should all give a little bit of thought about what it is that makes a community work. Shared institutions is a big part of that. It's what I wrestle with with not having my children in public school. There are lots of good reasons to abandon it (good enough for me to do exactly that) but we should not ignore what might potentially be lost. Our sense of community and our commitment to it. I live in a politically divided place. But at the end of the day, the Republicans and Democrats, Christians and atheists all want the same thing. For the place to we live to be a good place. Sure, we have different ideas of what that is and how to get there, but we all want the same thing: a good place where people care for each other.
Let's come full circle: what I want to avoid is making our neighbors into enemies. And that takes something. Something that shared experiences and shared institutions can provide. There's other ways too. And in the degradation of some of this connective tissue, we may have to work a little harder to build other alternatives.
Let's come full circle: what I want to avoid is making our neighbors into enemies. And that takes something. Something that shared experiences and shared institutions can provide. There's other ways too. And in the degradation of some of this connective tissue, we may have to work a little harder to build other alternatives.
All in all, institutions provide many wonderful functions in our society. They can shape us and mold us to higher standards. They can foster relationships. They can help us find common ground. They can give us history with others. They can foster a connection to a community and people long before we are old enough to recognize our potential divisions. We cannot neglect their importance and we cannot neglect our communities. These are the people God placed us here with. Let's not make them into enemies so quickly. Let's remember those of whom we might say "we dug coal together."
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